I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
