Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I died a long time ago.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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