so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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