I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
