She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
