just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
