I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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