Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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