Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
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It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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