"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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