My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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