you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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