The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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