Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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