Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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