you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
