i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You should frame my arrest warrant.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
