STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
