Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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