can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
