god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
