Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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