Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
