shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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