There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
