Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
