Will you blow on my dice?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
