Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think a kid would responsible me up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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