Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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