I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I still have a little drunk in my system
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
