you guys were way drunker than both of me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
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College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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