Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
