youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
