She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
