Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
