Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
