Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize