Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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