My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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