Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
