omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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