I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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