we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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