haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They have beer where we have blood.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
