I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
