my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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