one word: firstdatebathroomanal
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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