After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
