peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
