Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
