Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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