Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
