Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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