so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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