I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
