I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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