Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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