I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
