MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
