Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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